You're Missing Out if you're Married

I was 22 when my wife, Kristen, and I were married. She was 19... barely 19.

Imaginably, a lot of people in the run up to our marriage – and certainly since then – let us know that we were going to be “missing out” on life if we went forward with our wedding at such a young age.

This confused me. Admittedly, it even scared me. But after a few weeks of hearing the missing out warning, I began to question what “missing out” even meant?

I personally came to the conclusion that that in the minds of those who warned me “missing out” meant that I’d lose out on opportunities such as traveling, camping trips, college experiences, guys nights or (most importantly) late night trips to satisfy Betos cravings... Not that being married prohibits you from taking part in those or similar activities.

Perhaps, it meant to them that I’d be forced to occupy my time with activities that would require me to wear big boy pants 24/7; activities like work, school, and political discussions.

In an honest assessment though, I’m not entirely sure if that’s what they meant. I say this because there is a lot of ambiguity when it comes to the phrase “missing out.”

For example, my 22 year-old self didn’t understand at the time that had I not married Kristen I would have “missed out” on some very important experiences.

Here are a few things I didn’t “miss out” on because Kristen and I chose to marry on that wonderful day in June (I may or may not be teary eyed as I write this):

• Putting together my aunt’s bed, late at night, while in the midst of the stress that accompanies “final’s week”. I remember thanking her after for her selflessness in performing that act.

• Discovering Hatch’s Chocolates-and subsequently discovering praline milkshakes on one of our dates downtown.

• Waking up with the most extraordinary person next to me, morning after morning after morning – there is something wonderful in that consistency.

• Serving as volunteers at the hospital. Having our lives consequently touched by the patients there who made it seem like our trials were extremely light.

• Kristen dancing in her sweats to the song “New Soul” while I write this post.

I should mention that some of the experiences I’ve had with Kristen are beyond my ability to describe. Fantastic seconds of life that I want with everything I have to re-experience...

Had I not married Kristen I also would have “missed out” on some important lessons. For example, I can talk for hours about things like lamps (like their color, shape, shade type, whether their desk lamps, ambience lamps, night stand lamps...). Additionally, I now notice things that I thought were insignificant before, such as the fact that most Christmas Trees have either colored or white lights – and that most wives have a preference on what type of tree you have (trust me guys, its worthwhile to invest in a tree that can do both).

Okay, enough with the schmaltzy descriptions. Let’s move on.

At this point, a lot of you reading this may be thinking back on experiences that you’ve had. Experiences, that wouldn’t have been possible if you were married or had children at the time.

That’s the point of this post. Everyone “misses out” to some extent or another.

But it doesn’t help to look at our life in moments we’re missing. Rather, I think a personal paradigm shift from “missing out” on what we don’t have; to a more concentrated view that allows us to truly experience what we do have is beneficial. We should engage our lives. We should maximize our lives.

We shouldn’t be afraid to change our lives out of a fear that we’ll somehow miss out. In fact, I feel that we should be afraid not to change, because by not changing we may miss out.

We can’t have every single imaginable moment. That doesn’t mean though that we have to “miss out” on our moments.